- Do you like it? - I love it.
It's late. My uncles and aunts will be here.
We have to hurry.
Will they like me?
What are you worried about?
You're beautiful. Just be yourself. Don't worry.
They're important people. Perhaps a bit severe.
But don't let it throw you, they're nice.
Starting next week I'll be working in their firm...
and I don't want to say or do anything that could jeopardize...
his wonderful opportunity they're giving us.
It'll be fine. You'll impress them.
- You think so? - I know so.
About your question on the train, yes, I'll miss Pordenone...
but this position is too good to turn down.
Think, Milly, if all goes well, we will be living in Rome...
entering society, having children.
And maybe one day we will own a villa like my uncles.
I have to get my hair done. I look like a small town school teacher.
I want to look chic.
It's late. Do you have to go now?
- I'll be right back. - I don't want them waiting for us.
- Okay. But hurry. - I will.
Hurry.
I'm sorry, the salon is booked up.
Is there another one near here?
Exit the hotel, go right, down two blocks and to the left.
Past the archway, on the right, you'll see a small bridge.
Cross the bridge, go left, and you'll see it on the right.
I saw this honey for half the price.
Finish your breakfast.
- I'm not hungry. - You have to eat.
Where is Camilla?
You know why there's so much unemployment?
Because people are being replaced by advanced technology.
What's on the movie page?
Eat! Here's Camilla. You're always late.
If you ask me, the way the world is going...
one day the whole planet will be speaking Chinese.
No one's asking you.
No one care what you or I think. We just have to pay taxes.
Look, look!
Here she comes.
Where was she when we had the blackout...
and I was stuck in the elevator for two hours?
Oh to be young and single, or at least single.
Did you see her do that? Beautiful.
- You still wouldn't have a chance. - Why not?
She takes her weekends with the boss.
- Since when? - Since always.
- If you ask me... - What, again?
What, I can't say one thing? If you ask me...
It's an enigmatic film. Very interesting.
Beautiful. Better than The King's Speech.
- Oh, come on! - I didn't get it.
The director didn't want you to understand. Life's a mystery...
the atmospheric cinematography. Did you see that shot?
If I could vote there would be no question...
- But you don't vote. - I don't vote, but if I could...
I hear Brad Pitt and Angelina are in town promoting a movie.
Do you think it's Brad Pitt?
This week we'll interviewing Tony Blair...
the winner of the Miss Universe contest and Johnny Depp.
Excuse me, Via della Penna?
Take the next right, go down one block...
you'll come to a gelato shop, walk one block...
and turn left.
At the next traffic light, there's a fish restaurant.
You can't miss it.
Walk one block, make a right, go up two blocks and take another right.
- You following? - Yes, yes. Thank you.
Congratulations.
- Yes? - I have your special gift.
- What gift? - A special gift for a special man.
What is this special gift?
I am.
Everything's been paid in full. I'm yours.
- I think there's been a mistake. - Whatever pleases you.
That's okay. Please leave.
- I can't. They'd be very upset. - Who?
They said you were high-strung and would be quite surprised.
- But you're the lucky winner. - What winner?
- The winner of the bet. - What bet?
Tommy and Fabio. They paid me and said to say, congratulations.
I don't know who they are. Please leave, miss.
I am told to ask no questions.
I am here to fulfill your dreams.
What are you doing? Please, miss. You must leave.
You are Mr. DeBroca, room 504?
You have the right room but the wrong person.
And now you must leave.
Anybody here?
Excuse us. So sorry.
I told you we should wait.
That is not what you think. Come in.
Our date was for noon.
The door was open.
You can't just barge in without knocking.
What a way to meet your new bride.
She's not my bride.
No?
You're joking I hope.
Of course I'm joking.
This is my wife.
I am his Uncle Paolo.
Giovanna.
Uncle Sal.
Aunt Rita.
Isn't her name Milly?
Yes. Definitely Milly. Her middle name is Anna.
- Milly? - Milly.
We'll wait downstairs. Don't worry about us.
Let's go Paolo.
We'll see you soon.
I'm dead.
My life is over. I'm ruined.
Just tell them the truth.
It was all a mistake.
How do I do that?
They saw us on the bed. I'm in my underwear.
They won't believe me. It's useless.
They'll think my wife is out of the hotel so I hired a call girl.
Why did you grab me like that?
I was paid to make love to DeBroca.
- And you leave the door open? Idiot! - I thought I closed it!
They barged in.
These upper class feel entitled.
Milly will be back any minute. We have to get out of here now.
You have to pretend to be my wife.
Pretend to be your wife? I'm not an actress.
And you just called me an idiot.
I'm sorry. I apologize. You must help me. And hurry.
If Milly walks in I will jump out of the window, I will kill myself.
Sooner or later they'll find out.
I need to buy more time, so I can think of something, some way out.
We need to get out of here now.
What's going on?
What is this? Are you crazy?
Move away.
You've made a mistake.
Sofia!
Sofia! Look at this! What's going on?
What do you want?
Move away! I'll call the police!
I'm a responsible person.
I have to go to work! These people are crazy.
- Whose car is this? - We'll be late for the studio.
- But I'm late for work. - That's right, Mr. Pisanello.
Sofia, come with me.
Good morning and welcome to TG3.
Today we have a special guest with us, Leopoldo Pisanello.
Welcome, Mr. Pisanello. Welcome.
Thank you. Sorry, why am I here?
Tell us, what did you have for breakfast?
Coffee and two slices of bread with butter and jam.
Two slices of bread. What were they like?
They were good. Toasted.
You prefer toasted bread?
I do, yes.
Can you tell us why?
Yes, well, I don't know.
I usually favor toasted bread.
White bread or wheat bread?
White.
So it's safe to say that Leopoldo Pisanello prefers...
two slices of bread toasted.
Yes. And coffee with milk.
No sugar.
And you shaved before or after breakfast?
You were extraordinary!
My God, still here! Enough!
Move away! Sofia. Sofia!
Get out of here.
You were brilliant. The phone hasn't stopped ringing.
Yes, but...
They want you for the eight o'clock news tomorrow.
- What? Me? But why? - You're famous.
- What's the name of the hotel? - I can't remember.
Was it around here?
Yes, more or less. It was red...
Here we are. Sorry we took so long.
Yes.
You don't have a more relaxed dress?
We'll be seeing some rather important people.
- I mean, we love your look. - What?
But some of our colleagues might not understand.
The train lost my luggage, so this has to be it.
We arranged a private tour of the Vatican for you.
- How nice! Isn't it darling? - Yes, I know it well.
Let's go, then.
Let's hope they let her in.
Miss.
Are you okay?
Yes, thank you.
But you... aren't you Pia Fusari?
You recognize me?
You're one of my favorite actresses.
I'm flattered.
What are you doing just walking the streets like an ordinary person?
We're making a movie here.
- You want to watch? - Me?
Yes!
Oh my, that's Giulietta Falcone.
No! There's Luca Salta.
I adore Luca Salta. He's so charismatic.
I can't believe this.
He painted that ceiling on scaffolding lying down.
Can you imagine working all the time on your back?
I can.
Please come in, Mr. Pisanello.
This will be your new office.
My new office?
But I'm a clerk.
Very amusing. Serafina, come.
We have a renowned man in our company.
She'll attend to your needs. All day long.
With pleasure.
You will attend to me all day long?
Yes. I am here for whatever you may need.
Is he close?
Easy, easy.
Mr. Pisanello, how was your day?
- My day? - Yes, how was it?
It was fine.
I spilled coffee on a few documents.
Apart from that it was fine.
Mr. Pisanello was caught short spilling some coffee.
But quick thinking saved the moment from escalating into...
a full-blown crisis with perhaps loss of life.
Why the coffee was spilled will be the subject of tonight's...
in-depth analysis, with special guests from the illycaffè company...
and the Brazilian ambassador to the U.N.
- Can we get a statement? - A statement?
- Yes sir. A statement. - Any statement?
Please.
Well... It looks like rain.
You heard it here. Mr. Pisanello says it might rain.
- How will you be sleeping tonight? - I usually sleep on my back.
Leopoldo Pisanello sleeps on his back.
Tell us, have you ever slept on your stomach?
No, I suffer from indigestion. Nothing serious.
But enough now. No more, no more.
Please stop.
Go away.
What do you want from me? Do I sleep on my stomach.
How's this dress? All I have are these junky cotton prints.
I have to buy some clothes now that you're famous.
Sofia, I'm tired. I have a headache.
I had a horrible day with reporters.
I don't want to go to the movie premiere.
We must.
They're counting on our appearance.
Who, Sofia? Who's counting?
So if Leopoldo Pisanello doesn't go, the movie won't start?
That's right.
I'm Leopoldo Pisanello, a schmuck.
You're the schmuck's wife.
You said we'd go.
There's Gina Francone.
And there's Tony Branca.
There he is. Good evening.
Who do I see?
Leopoldo Pisanello.
His lovely wife, Sofia, looking elegant in her junky print.
Yes, she's wearing a junky cotton print dress.
Looks to be second-hand, maybe even a thrift shop.
And I believe she has a run in her stocking. We're checking and yes...
it is a run in the stocking of her left leg.
Mrs. Pisanello, the run in your stocking, was that deliberate?
- There's a run? - Yes, it's very dramatic, very stylish.
Wouldn't you say, Martina?
- We'll be seeing you at Cannes soon? - Yes, for sure.
Great. I must move on to Gina Francone.
Mr. Pisanello! I'm Marina Raguso. I'm such a great admirer of yours.
Thank you.
I think you're so much sexier than all the pretty-boy leading men...
who makes those comic-book movies.
I see.
I'd love more time to talk to you...
to hear your views on the state of culture in Italy.
- Mine? - I'll give you my number.
Call me.
- Your number? - Any time.
Okay.
Mr. Pisanello, tell us, do you wear boxer shorts or briefs?
Me? Boxers. Loose, white.
I knew it!
You're the classic boxer type. I knew!
Bravo. You were fantastic. Come meet your biggest fan.
She's seen all of your films. Milly, right?
- So you're a fan? - Yes, oh, yes.
I've seen everything you've ever done.
- You're flattering me. - No, it's true.
You're so great. You're an exceptional actor.
As the Arab spy, as the terrorist, as the divorced father.
I've always dreamed of meeting you.
- Will you join me for lunch? - Lunch? With you?
- Together? - I only have a hour.
Oh my God.
You're the sexiest man in Rome, according to Mondo Film.
- Did you know? - Yes. I've been told.
- Shall we? - Yes.
Thank you.
Are you planning a large family?
No children.
You become their slave.
Diapers, school, illness.
They grow up, they move out, you never see them.
- No, that's not so. - It was with me.
I couldn't wait to get out of the house.
My father sold drugs...
my mother was a shoplifter.
What could I do? Can you blame me?
Look, look!
There's the actor Luchino Salta.
Yes, yes! That's him.
He's married. Who is that woman he's with?
Are you okay?
I'm fine.
I can't believe I'm having lunch with you.
I'm the lucky one. Otherwise I'd be dining alone.
Why alone? Aren't you married? It's in all the papers.
Yes, but marriage is like wine.
When it's right, it's beautiful, when it's not...
We're separated.
The press doesn't know. It's a secret.
Of course. I won't tell anyone.
What are they doing?
He's looking into her eyes and making love talk.
I'd love it if you could watch me film this afternoon.
You could give me your insights, observations, point of view.
We could do that back at my hotel.
You value my opinion?
- Is there something wrong with that? - No, not at all.
Antonio, my husband, thinks my head is in the clouds.
Which may be a bit true.
He doesn't take your ideas seriously?
He takes them seriously. He respects them...
but in the scientific area.
I teach high school astronomy.
Oh my, how sweet.
Yes, so I doubt he'd want my opinion on anything artistic.
Astronomy. So, the skies, the planets, the stars.
You're a... wait, don't tell me.
Please, I'm not saying anything!
You're a Libra.
No, a Sagittarius.
He's taking her hand.
She should slap his face.
Oh no, she loves it.
Are you hurt?
Hello, this is Brunella Matteucci live with Leopoldo Pisanello.
It's 7:30 AM. Mr. Pisanello is going to shave.
We're covering that shave live, from the first to the last stroke.
Mr. Leopoldo Pisanello is getting a haircut.
Just a trim.
He's opted for a trim.
Sorry, all full, no table.
You must be mistaken. My husband made reservations.
- We're all full. - I can't believe this.
Oh no tables, I'll come back.
Oh no, Mr. Pisanello, right this way.
- The nerve! - It's not fair.
You are losing a longtime customer.
They're right. They've been waiting.
Nonsense. Please step this way.
I watched you in the office and couldn't resist you.
They say power is an aphrodisiac.
Who's she?
Tanya. She's my friend. She's dying to go to bed with you.
I promised her you would make love to her after me.
It will make her year.
He worries because he's married.
Mr. Pisanello, the rules don't apply to you.
You're special.
We wanted you to meet these people. Mr. Massucci is our firm's CEO.
He threw this cocktail party to welcome you.
It's a chance to meet the creme de la crèmeof Rome's business world.
We talked you up and everyone's looking forward to meeting you.
And it doesn't hurt to impress their wives.
You think it's wise to drink so much, darling?
Maybe I should get some coffee. Coffee, anyone?
There he is! I want to present you to my nephew.
Hello everyone!
Beautiful party, isn't it?
- This is Antonio. - Pleased to meet you.
You're the famous nephew. I've heard fine things about you.
They said you fit the image of the company.
Image is very important to all of us.
You follow football?
- It's you. - Yes.
- What are you doing here, Anna? - Milly, Milly.
Oh, my wife.
- How are you? - Good, thank you.
- A pleasure. - The pleasure is mine.
We're off. Excuse us.
Coffee?
Coffee, please.
Anna.
Hi!
Milly.
- Since when is it Milly? - It's Milly.
- My wife is here. - Relax, don't worry.
I was going to call you.
- How's next Tuesday? - The usual time?
- Anna. - Oh God.
My goodness, I didn't expect to see you here.
- Milly. Here I'm Milly. - Milly. All right.
Can you come to my office tomorrow at three?
I don't have my book with me.
I see. If I don't hear otherwise I'll expect you at three.
And wear the black brassiere and the thong.
Do you sail?
Do you hunt?
Anna, how are you?
I'm so nervous. I can't afford to look foolish.
These men are the most important business tycoons in Rome.
Some crème de la creme. It's my whole client list.
My nerves are shot from today.
You're too uptight, honey. Relax. You'll have a heart attack.
How can I relax when my life is falling apart?
How does your wife stand it if you're always such a wreck?
She loves me the way I am.
Is that why she was smooching with Luchino what's-his-name?
- They were smooching? - Practically.
You said holding hands.
There must be some explanation. She's a Madonna.
The explanation is he's a movie star, a sex symbol.
And Milly is pretty, but she'd never look at another man.
You obviously don't know women.
Especially if her husband is a nervous man afraid of his shadow.
What the hell was she doing smooching? He made love to her with his eyes.
You probably don't know how to make love with your eyes.
To a woman of your profession, I must appear a middle class mouse.
Was your wife a virgin when you married her?
None of your business.
I'll bet she was.
We had some pretty wild times together.
What's your idea of wild times?
Sex with the lights on?
Believe me, she was not a virgin.
I was.
You really need a lesson in love.
From who? Surely not you?
Why not?
It's all paid for.
There are people...
No one can see us.
Smile!
Is it true you're a couple?
She's my cousin, my cousin. We happened to run into each other.
I have no statement to make.
Is Leopoldo going to direct your next picture?
We happened to run into each other.
I was waiting for my wife.
Marisa, run.
We were waiting for my wife.
Leave us alone. Enough already. Leave us. Please.
Show some respect for the procession.
Roberto, I can't take it.
Why me, Roberto? What's going on?
Sir, you have to accept it.
You're a very famous man.
But why? Look, these pills, the bottle was full this morning.
But why am I famous?
You're famous for being famous.
But I didn't accomplish anything.
You think everybody who's famous deserves to be?
I don't know. Even you want my opinion. Everyone wants my opinion.
I don't know! My life has become a living hell.
A journalist asked me if God exists. I told her I didn't know.
She was upset. "Mr. Pisanello doesn't know if God exists!"
Everyone wants answers.
How do you scratch your head? With the left of right hand?
With both. He scratches with both! That's private business.
I scratch my head with the hand I please, okay? It's private.
From where I sit, sir, I find it hard to sympathize.
To be a celebrity, the excitement, the special privileges...
adoring crowds wanting your autograph...
never having to wait in line.
The women adore me.
They kneel before me. Pisanello, you are so handsome.
They want to go to bed with me three and four at a time.
I have enough trouble when we're two.
The wife of a man of your stature understands...
she must share him with the public.
I want my anonymity back, no one interrupting me.
Enough!
Roberto, take me home.
I will sue you for violation of privacy. You have no heart.
Let's go. Take me home.
You were better than I thought.
- Why are you so silent? - I committed adultery.
Think of it as part of your education.
- I never did any of those things before. - Why not?
Because Milly would be shocked.
But with me you had no problem.
Why? Because I'm a whore?
With you I was uninhibited. But I feel so guilty.
Milly would never in a million years commit adultery.
Maybe she wouldn't mind you having a learning experience.
I can't do those things with Milly. She's too saintly.
Yes I know, Madonna-like.
Except you're the prude, not Milly.
You were the virgin at marriage, not her.
You like it?
This is beautiful.
- A drink? - No, thank you. I don't dare.
Why not?
Here.
I love old songs from my childhood.
Very pretty.
And the old way of dancing.
You're very good.
What can I say.
I thought you wanted to talk.
My weakness is nostalgia.
Yes, there's something charming about reminiscing.
Did anyone ever tell you you were beautiful?
My husband, maybe once. But never a movie actor.
Please don't think of me as a movie actor.
I'm an ordinary human being, with the same feelings...
the same vulnerabilities and desires.
But when I see you kiss those beautiful actresses you seem...
how shall I say... larger than life.
A movie kiss, what is it? All pretend.
I always wondered what it must be like to be kissed by Luca Salta.
Now you know.
- It was amazing. - Only amazing?
- More than amazing. - Wait till you experience the rest.
- The rest? - We must, I can't turn back now.
You're far too enchanting.
No, no.
- My goodness, what a dilemma. - I see no dilemma.
Of course it is.
I'm so tempted to make love to you, so I can tell my grandchildren.
Relax.
- On the other hand it is adultery. - Let's not get into semantics.
I want you.
Oh, my goodness.
I don't know what to do.
I love Antonio, my husband. But I am so curious.
Listen, life is short. And some moments are written in the stars.
- This is one of them. - Yes.
No, wait, wait.
I have to go to the bathroom. Don't move.
Don't leave, okay?
You are the greatest, the greatest.
Who's that man? He looks even more interesting.
We're here on the street with Aldo Romano.
If I'm not mistaken, you drive a bus.
What's going on? I don't understand.
What do you want from me?
Is it true you are bringing your laundry in to have it cleaned?
Yes, but what do you want?
- Do you use starch? - No, I don't like starch.
Is that a stain on your jacket?
It's marinara.
Can you tell us how you got it?
I was eating a plate of rigatoni. I lifted my fork and the sauce fell.
Why do you care? I don't understand.
Gabriele! Camilla! Sofia!
Hi, Dad!
Easy there.
The curse is lifted.
We're back to normal. I'm so happy.
A man named Aldo Romano is in all the papers.
Let's celebrate with a pizza.
My treat!
- Who is the new star? - Aldo Romano.
Stay calm, Milly, stay calm.
Better to sleep with him and regret it...
than not sleep with him and regret it.
What do I do?
Better to sleep with him.
Absolutely better to sleep with him.
Yes, better to sleep with him.
Be quiet.
Quiet or I'll kill you.
Now, open the door. You understand?
Let's go. March.
- Are you ready, my love? - Keep your mouth shut.
Do what I say and you won't be hurt. You understand?
Give me your wallet and all your jewelry. Hurry!
Don't you know who I am?
No and I don't care. Hurry up.
You keep quiet and don't cry.
Hand over everything.
It won't come off.
Your watch.
The watch, shut up.
Open up!
Open up! House detective!
Open up Luca. I know you're in there!
- My wife! - She probably had me followed!
- You said you were separated. - Oh god, the alimony! I'm finished!
I'll be in the newspapers as the other woman!
I'm finished. I've lost everything.
Listen, I got an idea.
We do this... you go into the bathroom.
Hide in the shower.
Go. Close the door.
Get in there.
Come with me.
Open up!
This man has a lot to explain.
There, in the bed!
- Did you not hear us knocking? - What's going on?
- Have you gone mad? - Didn't you hear us?
What am I going to hear? I'm here with my girlfriend.
You come barging in at a delicate moment.
- You're not this woman's husband? - Husband? I don't know her.
- You told us he was your husband. - Are you crazy?
I'll sue this hotel for barging in here without knocking.
Pardon, sir, pardon.
- How could you? - What's going on here?
Everyone out.
This isn't my fault.
Madam, please!
Pardon us.
- You'll hear from my lawyers! - Pardon us.
- We'll get him. - Madam, please. Thank you.
This wasn't supposed to end like this.
Madam, after you.
Oh thank you, thank you!
- You're welcome. - I'll leave now.
Here take my watch, my ring.
It's all yours.
- Thank you, really. - Thank you.
Bye, thank you.
I can't believe this.
I don't blame him, you're really very pretty.
Excuse me?
I said, you're pretty.
Thank you.
Are you a real burglar?
Yes I am. You could say I specialize in hotels.
But I do break-ins and holdups.
Really?
How exciting.
You're exciting.
I've never made love with a criminal.
My husband is a respectable businessman.
- Is that so? - Yes.
Well, how do I say this?
Opportunity makes a thief.
Here's your chance.
You're right.
We're alone in a hotel room.
Exactly. We're in bed. You're in your slip.
- So? - So...
This is nice.
There's a movie premiere tonight.
We can just go with no fuss and enjoy the picture.
We don't have to pose for photos.
We weren't invited.
Well, we can stay home and watch it on television.
And I don't have to share you with beautiful models and actresses...
and sexy secretaries.
I'm Leopoldo Pisanello.
Miss, this morning for breakfast...
I had toast with butter and jam.
Then I shaved and used a cream. I prefer a cream to a gel.
I'm Leopoldo Pisanello.
- Hi. Want my autograph? - No, I'm in a hurry.
- You want it? - I don't know you!
I wear boxer shorts.
Do you want to see my boxers?
See, I wear boxer shorts. White and loose.
Miss, I am Leopoldo Pisanello.
Looks like rain. I got a trim.
She's my wife. Miss, there's a run in her stocking.
It's trendy. Runs are trendy.
You want to see me on one foot?
Look, Pisanello on one foot!
It's a great scoop!
I had breakfast this morning.
Excuse me, I recognize you.
Yes, I know that face. Didn't you used to be...
- I'm Leopoldo Pisanello. - Yes, that's right.
- Do you want my autograph? - Sure, if you insist. Here.
Here's my autograph.
I am Leopoldo Pisanello. Remember.
- Thank you. - That's me. Thank you.
- You see. - Yes. Let's go home.
The kids are there. I'm there.
Here. Yes!
He'll remember me, Sofia.
This man was once my chauffeur.
- Right? - Yes.
I told you, sir...
life can be very cruel and unsatisfying...
whether you're a celebrity or poor and unknown.
But of the two, to be a celebrity...
is definitely better.
- Good bye. - Good bye. Thank you.
Come, let's go.
- Did you hear what he said? - Yes, I heard.
I heard.
There you are. I was so worried.
- What happened to you? - When I came back you were gone.
I lost my phone. I got lost.
What happened to you?
My uncles, they had every moment planned.
Did it go well?
We're going home.
- Home where? - Back to Pordenone.
But we've just arrived.
I had my full dose of my uncles and aunts and all their phony friends.
I don't want the job. I want my old job back.
We'll never get rich, but we'll have a better life.
- You loved teaching at the school. - Yes, but...
But nothing!
We'll go home. We'll have a...
a better life, with children.
And maybe... I'll even have time to paint a little.
Okay.
What a surprise.
- I don't know what to say. - Say nothing.
Let's make love.
- Make love? - Before we leave, to celebrate.
It'll be my turn to teach you about the stars.
And don't be surprised if I shock you.
Shock me.